


The Journal

by Rivermoon1970



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Fluff, Journal!Fic, M/M, Secret Relationship, Snooping, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 14:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5094173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron asks Spencer if he'll stay at his apartment while he goes to a conference. Spencer is flattered that he was asked. On his first night there he does something that he normally would never do......he read Aaron's journal and finds out Aaron's biggest secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Journal

October 2010  
Spencer walked into Aaron’s house just a little after six p.m. The team was on stand down till he returned from a conference he was having to attend on behalf of the FBI and the BAU specifically. That was fine with them, meant everyone could get home at a decent hour and JJ was happy anytime she got to spend extra time with her son Henry and her husband Will.

So, why was Spencer walking into his boss’s house? Aaron had become slightly paranoid about leaving his house unattended and who could blame him. The events of the previous year would make anyone paranoid. His sister-in-law Jessica would normally be the one to do this, but she decided it would be a good time for her to take Jack to spend some time with family. So that left no one to be there to make sure that no one could get in that shouldn’t be there. Spencer was quite flattered when Aaron asked him if he would watch the place while they were all out. The young man practically jumped on the idea. Of course it wasn’t like Spencer harbored a secret crush or anything like that, it was just, oh hell who was he kidding; Spencer had kept his crush a secret and each passing year he was in the unit it just got worse. But Aaron’s friendship was just too precious to him and he would never do anything to jeopardize that.

It was with a deep sigh that he went to the bedroom, Aaron’s bedroom that is, and stripped out of his clothes, took a long shower and decided to do some reading in bed. He knew it was early but he was tired from the mound of paperwork to catch-up on so he decided to crawl into bed, and he would just ignore the man’s scent on the sheets that wrapped around him, and concentrate on one of the books that he brought with him.

Once Spencer settled back against the mountain of pillows behind him he looked to the right and something sitting on the night stand caught his eye. It was a journal. Spencer eyed it and started to reach for it, then pulled his hand back. Nope, he was not going to read it. That would be a violation of privacy. So he settled back against the pillows, picked-up his book started to read then put it down again. His eyes wandered over to that damn journal again. Shaking his head and picking up his book once again he started to read. When he put his book aside for the third time because curiosity was getting the better of him he reached for the journal and opened it up. Then he immediately closed it. Setting it on the bed Spencer reached for it several times as indecision warred within him. Finally his damn curiosity won out and he picked-up the journal once again. He knew he was violating Aaron’s privacy but dammit he really wanted to know what the always put-together Unit Chief wrote about when no one was looking. Resigned he opened up to the first page and started reading.  
***********  
 _April, 2003  
So, why am I keeping this journal? Well it helped before, after my father, you know what? We don’t need to go into that. Anyway, I find myself very conflicted as of late. Jason brought in a new agent. God, when did they get that young? I was barely registering for the bar at Spencer’s age.  
Right, Spencer, Dr. Spencer Reid, boy genius. It doesn’t take a damn profiler to look into that one. Jason, really? But this isn’t something I would ever bring up to him because he would deny whatever it was he was feeling or thinking. Anyway, the kid, barely twenty-two, is brilliant. I mean when Sean and I were tested we were called gifted. When I passed the bar on my first try and in the top of my class I was called brilliant, but it was never something I brought up, never something I bragged about. It was a way to escape. It gave me the determination to do better, to get my life together. But anyway I get off the subject. Spencer. I only bring up my educational status as a point to say next to him I feel stupid. I’ve never seen a mind like his work, and I see why Jason fought so hard to get him into the unit.  
But the thing that Jason forgets is that behind that big brain, those nerdy oversized glasses and sweater vests, god those sweater vests, I just want to take……….getting off topic again. Behind all that is a human being, a young man that is still so innocent from what we see every day I just hope Jason remembers that and doesn’t try to use the kid up in his damned enthusiasm. Anyway, welcome Spencer.  
Spencer…………._

Spencer shut the journal with a loud snap. His breathing was shallow as he looked down at the book in his hand his mind was whirling. Had Aaron been harboring feelings for him all these years? The only way Spencer was going to find out was to keep reading. Slowly he opened the journal back-up and slowed his normal reading pace so he would be prepared for whatever came next.

***********  
 _August 2003  
I’m not going to write in this everyday or some crap like that, but it will be when something major happens. Haley and I have been fighting, a lot. This last miscarriage, well it’s discouraging. She wants a baby so badly and while I love the idea I can’t see her continuing to go through this.  
I was sitting in my office, unable to concentrate when Spencer brings me a cup of coffee. In his arms was his paperwork, at first I wasn’t sure what he wanted but he smiled this smile that just, fuck it, it made me want to kiss him. FBI rules be damned. He walked to the small table I have in there, sits down then starts working on his files. He doesn’t say a thing, which is unusual because sometimes you can’t get the kid to shut-up, which should not be as adorable and endearing as it is. God, what the fucking hell is wrong with me? I’m thirty-seven years old, I should not be having a goddamn crush on someone fifteen years younger than me. Anyway, I don’t know how he knew but him just being there helped.   
Haley had expressed her disapproval of my career once again as the phone rang with another case. I just wish she could understand. _

“Well shit,” Spencer swallowed hard and he knew his eyes were wide and his hands were shaking. Getting himself under control he opened the journal once more.

***********  
 _March 2004  
I really wish the media would stop naming these bastards. Blue Ridge Strangler, now it’s stuck forever. Of course the man is in a coma after surviving that damn fall. Morgan is still reeling from it and I don’t blame him. Reid was shaken, his first real case and it ends badly. Jason wasn’t there, he was off doing a custodial, the kids mind just processed like nothing I’ve ever seen. He’s easy to work with too and is eager to learn. God, so young and he’s not quite as innocent as he first seems. He gives off a vibe that is conflicting. It says ‘back off’ and ‘I need’ all at the same time. I’m just not sure what he needs. I hope to never have to put him in a situation where he has to take a life. I think it would break something in him. Though I do get the impression that Dr. Spencer Reid is a much stronger person than he lets on. I just hope to preserve a bit of that innocence he still has.   
Morgan has unofficially taken Reid under his wing. Sometimes I just can’t stop thinking of him……._

“Oh god, I have to stop reading this,” Spencer closed the journal. It was late and he needed to go to bed. It didn’t help that thoughts of Aaron were in his head all night as he slept.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Stumbling into work he threw down his bag, took off his jacket and scarf then went into the break room to grab some coffee. He knows he shouldn’t have read those few entries in Aaron’s journal because it was messing with his head. Why did Aaron keep this from him? He understood when Aaron was married, but after? Was there just too much that happened? Was there something between them and he missed some social cue? Spencer didn’t know but he knew he shouldn’t read anymore. He was determined not to pick it up when he went to Aaron’s that night, he didn’t want to know anymore.

“Hey kid, you okay?” Morgan looked over at him concerned as he walked up beside Spencer wanting to get some coffee.

“Uh yeah, yeah I’m fine why?” Spencer added several teaspoons of sugar to his coffee while Morgan was staring at him.

“Because you were off in la, la land there Reid. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened.” Spencer grabbed his coffee and strode back to his desk. Burying his head in his files he was quiet all day. He didn’t look up again till he felt someone come and sit on the edge of his desk.

“I said I’m fine Morgan.” He reached over to grab another file when a hand stilled him. He looked up and was surprised when it wasn’t Morgan. 

“Oh, hey Rossi.” Spencer sat back in his chair and waited for the older man to say what it was he obviously wanted to say.

“Reid, it’s late and you haven’t said a word all day, that isn’t like you. What’s going on?”

Spencer sat back and closed his eyes wondering if he should confess his transgression or not.

“I,” he looked up and took a deep breath, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Spencer leaned forward again and was going to do more work when Rossi stopped him again.

“Reid, what’s wrong?” Rossi gentled his voice as he looked down at the younger man.

“I looked into something I shouldn’t have looked into and I learned something about someone I probably shouldn’t have and I don’t know I guess it upset me more than I thought it would.” 

“Okay, I’m going to assume this is about Aaron and you found his journal.”

Spencer looked at Rossi wide-eyed, “How, how do you know that?”

“Well, you are staying at Aaron’s house, watching over it till he gets back and I know he has been keeping a journal of sorts because I’ve seen him writing in it on occasion when we’ve had to room together.”

“Oh,” Spencer cleared his throat and looked up at his friend, “I don’t know what possessed me to read it and now I don’t know what to do about this.” 

“Well, for now all you can do is go home. Don’t think and maybe when Aaron gets back the two of you can finally talk to each other.” Rossi encouraged Spencer to finally leave. He got to Aaron’s and stripped out of his clothes and fell into bed. He was more tired than he thought he should be. He reached across to turn out the lights when his hand landed on the journal.

“No, no I can’t read this,” he thought to himself. But once again his curiosity got the better of him. Sitting up in bed he grabbed the book and held it. He debated with himself but he opened the book anyway and started where he left off the night before.

***********  
 _May 2004  
I don’t always remember my dreams but damn this one……I just, I haven’t had a sex dream in a long-time and the fact that starring in that sex dream was Spencer. I close my eyes and I see it so vividly in my mind’s eye. Naked, spread out on a hotel bed, his cock hard and leaking. I’m just there, touching and tasting. And dammit my alarm goes off. The dream was still with me when I stumble into the shower, a very cold shower. I need to get myself under control. I love Haley dammit.  
I wonder if he really looks that gorgeous, shit get ahold of yourself Hotchner._

“Oh, oh hell,” Spencer looks around wide-eyed. He can feel his cheeks burning as he downs the glass of water he had on the nightstand. Swallowing he opens the book again and continues reading.

 

*************  
 _March 2005  
I know it’s been a while but too much has happened in the last few months that I haven’t had a chance to gather my thoughts. Boston, what can I say about Boston? It was horrific. I’ve never lost that many men, I just, well I’m having trouble processing. Jason is, I don’t know, they want me to take over as Unit Chief. Am I ready for that? I don’t know but I think I’ll regret it if I don’t try. Haley won’t like it but it doesn’t matter what she wants right now, this is what’s best for the team. I need to keep them together, this rocked all of us and Spencer is shaken. It’s a hard thing to see the breakdown of a mentor. I was glad that Dave left when he did so I didn’t have to see it. I’m not sure if Jason will even be able to come back from this.  
Why does Spencer keep wearing those damn sweaters?_

Spencer took a deep breath as he closed up the journal and wondered just what the hell was going on. Did Aaron have feelings for him? And if he did why did he wait so long? Spencer’s confusion was growing but he knew there was nothing he could do till Aaron got back from his conference. Spencer set the journal aside as he got up to get himself some coffee. He wanted time to think about all this.   
As soon as the coffee was done, Spencer went back to the bedroom and slipped into bed and grabbed the journal once again. Taking a long sip of his coffee he contemplated whether he wanted to read more. Putting his coffee aside he flipped the book back and forth between his hands and contemplated opening it again. Finally deciding he opened it and started to read again.

**************  
 _September 2005  
Gideon’s back. I’m conflicted. On one had he did save the life of Heather Woodland, but on the other hand he provoked Vogel. This whole situation could have turned out very differently. If it had, I would have had no recourse for what I told Strauss. I should recommend a probationary period, but dammit this is Gideon. I respect the man too much to do that to him. I may be making the biggest mistake in my assessment, but I think, at the end of the day he saved the victim and I have to take that into account.  
Spencer was instrumental in finding the password and getting us what we needed to see where Vogel was holding Heather. He did good out there, has been doing good, even without Jason around.   
Haley is angry that I’ve taken the temporary Unit Chief position, but I have a feeling that it is going to become permanent. I want this to work, I want her to understand that his is important work but I don’t know if she ever will. Hell, it even made me sad when we couldn’t agree on a name for the baby. Everything made me think of a serial killer. God, what kind of world am I bringing my son into? My son, god I’m going to be a father. I promise I will be the best Dad I can be. I will be nothing like him nothing.   
Spencer brought me something to eat. How does he know? I wonder how often he takes care of us and we just don’t realize it. Or, is it just me? No Aaron, don’t go there. No matter what I’m feeling nothing can happen. I’ll just have to be content with his friendship. I often wonder why he seeks me out like he does. Gideon is his mentor, but when he’s excited about something he comes to me. It’s…… nice. _

Spencer smiled at the memory. Aaron had been getting little sleep because Haley had gotten so sick. She had been given bedrest and Aaron had been doing his best to juggle home and work. Spencer put the journal aside and snuggled down in the bed. He pulled the sheets around him and thought, not for the first time, how much they carried Aaron’s scent.  
____________________________________________________________________________________  
They may have been on stand-down for travel while Aaron was at the conference but it didn’t mean they couldn’t take local cases. This last one the team didn’t have to look too hard or too far. The UnSub wasn’t very sophisticated and they caught him rather quickly. Of course the BAU had the DC police trained well and when they got called in there was always a lot of information to work with. By the time they got back to the office after solving the case Spencer was exhausted. He had tossed and turned all night. Partially form the thoughts and feelings that reading Aaron’s journal had surfaced in him and partially from his guilt into reading it in the first place.

He was sitting at his desk trying to write-up his reports from their case when he just laid his head on his desk. 

“Hey, you okay man?” Morgan asked as he walked by noticing how Reid was half-laying on his desk.

Spencer lifted his head to look up at Morgan, “Yeah, yeah I’m good. Just tired, that’s all.”

“You sure Reid?” Morgan saw something unreadable flash across Spencer’s face and it worried him.

“Morgan I’m fine. Just a different bed, you know?” Spencer smiled wide to try to reassure his best friend that he was doing okay.

“Alright, I just worry about you Reid.” Morgan patted Spencer lightly on the shoulder as he moved up to Aaron’s office to drop off files for his approval later.

Spencer put all thoughts of Aaron and the journal aside and got back to work. When he was finally done and closing up his last file he looked around to see that everyone else had left. Getting up he grabbed his bag and headed for the door. As he was about to get on the elevator Rossi came up beside him.

“So, looks like you didn’t get much sleep last night kid.” 

“I couldn’t help it Rossi. I read more of the journal.” Spencer sighed and looked down at his hands. “Did you know about some of what Aaron wrote in it?”

Dave took a moment to study Spencer. He knew how much the younger agent valued the truth and hated deceptions. 

“He confided in me once. It was soon after Haley died. He stumbled into my house half-drunk and confided in me. I’m only telling this to you so you understand Reid. Aaron cares very deeply for you. And, this is just from my observation, you care very much for him to. I would suggest that when he gets back, the two of you oh, I don’t know, actually talk to each other.” Rossi smirked at Spencer as he exited the elevator and walked to his car leaving a confused Spencer standing there staring after him.

Spencer gets to Aaron’s, makes some coffee, takes a shower and crawls into bed, almost reminiscent of the previous evening. He resigned himself to the fact that he was just going to be nosy, he couldn’t help it. 

**************  
 _November 2005,  
So, Spencer can’t shoot worth shit on the range, but, and his words, “under intense terror” he can hit an UNSUB where it counts. I shouldn’t be proud of him, but dammit I am.   
What hurts the most is that we did what Gideon said. We used the profile against Dowd and it worked. But what does that say about me? I never want Reid to go down that road that he uses the profile in such a way as to get the Unsub killed. We should strive for justice and there is no justice in their deaths. I’m worried about him. The first time killing a human being it does something to you. It makes you lose your innocence.   
I hope Spencer is okay. The things I said to provoke the situation, god I hope he doesn’t think I really meant them. I know he said he understood but I know all too well how words can hurt. I never wanted to hurt him. He’s good at deflecting and holding things in. I just hope he knows he can come to me if he’s feeling uncomfortable or upset.   
We may have stopped a killer, but this just doesn’t feel like a win._

Spencer didn’t realize till he lifted his head that he had tears in his eyes. He didn’t know how guilty Aaron had truly felt about that whole situation. If he had known he would have gone to him, reassured him that he knew everything Aaron was doing. He knew then that Rossi was right, they had a lot to talk about.

**********  
 _March 2006,  
Lila Archer. Spencer was quite taken with her. I can’t blame him she is very beautiful and though I should have handed his ass to him for being so exposed and being inappropriate with his protection detail. But, I’m letting it go. Can I help the flare of jealousy? No I can’t and I need to get it under control, to get my head on straight. There is nothing that is going to happen between us. There can’t be. I love Haley, but dammit I can’t help these feelings I have for Spencer. I will just have to step back and keep reminding myself that I am a married man. I love Haley. I love Haley.  
Damn. I love….._

Spencer was taken aback a bit. It made him wonder what Aaron was going to write. He drank some coffee to settle himself then picked up the slim volume and continued to read.

***********  
 _May 2006,_

_I cannot even imagine what it took for Spencer to keep his mother out of a hospital for as long as he did. He is stronger than anyone his age that I’ve ever come across. I can understand why he didn’t want to tell us about her, didn’t want to expose her like that. I’m sorry it came to this. We all keep secrets, even from our best friends. Its’ how we survive, how we protect ourselves. I can understand why Spencer didn’t want to share this with us. I just hope that Morgan leaves it alone. It’s not for him to bug Spencer about this. If he wants to keep this part of his life private, I personally can’t blame him._

_We all have secrets and we all have scars._

Spencer sat back and reflected on that last statement. He wasn’t sure what it meant but he knew, just from the small clues, that Aaron didn’t have the best childhood. Spencer thought that Aaron was right, they all did have scars and maybe it was why they fought so hard to get to where they were and why they all fought for the victims. Spencer reflected back on Aaron and all their cases together, then it hit him, Perotta. Aaron was affected by that suspect more than anyone Spencer had seen. The abuse Perotta suffered turned him cold and emotionless. Spencer closed his eyes and tried not to think of what would have happened if Aaron had turned out the same.  
______________________________________________________________________  
Another night at Aaron’s. He knew his boss would be back in two more days and Spencer wanted to finish the journal before he got home. He was obsessed and he needed to know more. 

He read through the entry about the young boy Peter and sat back to wonder how the boy was doing. He knew Gideon had kept in touch with the mother, well had until he disappeared that is. Spencer shook his head, he did not want to go down that road. He read the entry about Caleb Sheppard, the bank robber that played out his sick game of Psychodrama and Spencer couldn’t help what was written. Aaron had poured his heart out on the page, revealed things about his childhood that he didn’t think would have been written or said anywhere else. Spencer was saddened by the confessions of abuse that his boss had suffered and how he was so worried about raising his hand to his own son. He hadn’t realized the tears that fell and he just wiped them away. He wasn’t deterred though and he kept reading.

*******  
 _February 2007_

_God damned fucking hell. I have no words to express what I’m feeling right now. Shit, shit, shit. Spencer, god I should never have sent him out there. This is my fault, how……..when he……… oh god Spencer. I had to keep it together but it was so hard, I know Henkel was sick but in that moment I wanted to kill him myself. Now what? Spencer thinks no one saw him pocket the drugs. I don’t know what to do with this. I want to go to him, help him, but does he blame me? It was my call to send him out there, I’m so sorry Spencer, god I’m so fucking sorry._

_Jason, this was why I should have recommended probation. He got Spencer killed. I should have stopped him, it was stupid of me. Fucking hell what do I do with this? Poor JJ is blaming herself and no matter what I say or how much I try to reassure her she’s still blaming herself._

_Morgan is just pissed at everyone, though he won’t show it. And Prentiss, I’m not even that good at compartmentalizing. Am I really that much of a bully? I need to work on that._

_What do I do with Spencer, how do I help him through this? Haley wants me home and I just want to go with Spencer, reassure him that we are there for him……dammit, this is on me and I should help him._

Spencer closed his eyes and tried to hold in the emotions that those three days always brought-up in him. He didn’t realize he was crying. Hotch had never said anything and he had felt so abandoned by the team when he was struggling the most. Now he understood why Aaron wasn’t there, he never even considered how the team dealt with him being kidnapped and tortured. He was startled when he looked up and saw Aaron standing there in the door to his bedroom. Spencer hadn’t heard him come in he had gotten so lost in his head.

“You, you’re back early,” the words came out more whispered than Spencer thought they would.

“I sent you a text.” Aaron’s breathing was shallow as he saw the journal in Spencer’s hands.

Spencer grabbed his phone from the nightstand and looked down at it and saw that there was indeed a text from Aaron. He had turned off the sound on his phone, he didn’t think he would need it since the team was on standby.

“Aaron I-“ Spencer quickly closed the journal and put it on the nightstand. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how Aaron was going to react to such an invasion of privacy. His cheeks got hot as embarrassment flushed his face.

Aaron just moved into the bedroom and put his things down. Slowly gathering his thoughts together he put his coat, jacket, tie and shoes away. Not saying a word he slipped onto the bed and sat back against the headboard. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence Aaron took a deep breath and spoke.

“So, how far did you read?” He kept his tone neutral and just looked straight ahead as he continued to keep a tight lid on his emotions.

A part of Spencer wanted to lie, wanted to say that he just barely picked it up but he knew how much he hated being lied to he wasn’t going to do that to Aaron.

“Georgia.” The word came out so brokenly that all Aaron did, without thinking, was pull Spencer into his arms. At first Spencer was confused but after a moment he relaxed and let himself be held.

The two men stayed locked in the embrace for a long time. It was Aaron that finally broke the spell that surrounded them.

“I’m sorry Spencer. I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I never should have listened to Gideon.” Aaron shut his eyes against the memories.

“I don’t blame you Aaron. I never did. It was a routine request, how did any of us know that Henkel was the UnnSub? I should never have broken from JJ.” Spencer sat up and stared at his boss trying to form the questions that had been plaguing his mind the last few days.

“Did you mean all of that? About how you feel, you know about me.” Spencer couldn’t look directly at Aaron because he didn’t want to see whatever it was Aaron was feeling.

Aaron reached out and grabbed Spencer’s hand and curled their fingers together. Lifting their combined hands Aaron kissed the back of Spencer’s hand and kept a steady gaze on him as he did it.

“Every single word Spencer,” Aaron said as he watched the younger man.

Spencer lifted his head so he was looking directly at Aaron. Taking a chance of his own he moved to straddle Aaron’s legs and waited to see if his boss, friend and hopefully more was going to push him away. When he didn’t Spencer leaned forward and kissed Aaron. It was a slow, gentle not quite chaste kiss. Aaron cupped the back of Spencer’s neck and pulled the younger man closer and deepened the kiss. 

Pulling back Spencer rested his head against Aaron’s and laid a hand on his chest just above his heart. Both men were breathing heavy as unspoken feelings swirled around them.

“I have been in love with you for a while now Aaron. I knew that nothing could happen between us. I thought for sure that you didn’t love me. I knew you cared, I knew you had feelings for me but I just chalked it up to this connection we have, this friendship. Now, I know the truth.”

Aaron laid a hand on Spencer’s heart and took a shaky breath to settle himself before he spoke.

“Yes, Spencer I love you. At first it was just attraction, a crush. I cared about who you were. Not just your mind and what you can do with it, but you. When you stayed with me after Haley,” Tears slid down Aaron’s face as he tried to get himself under control, “After losing her, I knew. I knew I loved you but I couldn’t, I couldn’t move forward.”

Spencer sat up but didn’t move off of Aaron’s lap, instead he leaned in and kissed him again. Aaron grabbed Spencer by the waist and pulled him in close. Spencer laid his head on Aaron’s shoulder and let himself be engulfed in his arms.

Neither man said anything as they laid there wrapped up in each other. Spencer found that his mind was quiet for once, he was happy laying there in Aaron’s arms. As they lay there cuddling Spencer thought about the journal and felt that he should feel guilty but he didn’t. In fact when he started to really think about it something very important clicked in his head. He sat up and frowned down at Aaron.

“You wanted me to find it,” Spencer said very matter-of-factly as his frown deepened.

Aaron reached up and cupped Spencer’s cheek caressing a thumb along his defined cheekbone.

“Yes.” A tiny smile quirked up the corner of his mouth as he watched and waited for Spencer to get upset. When he hadn’t he lifted a brow and tilted his head and waited.

“Why didn’t you just say these things to me Aaron?”

“I couldn’t. I couldn’t find the words. I wanted to but they always seemed to get stuck in my throat. So, I left the journal and asked if you would watch my apartment for me.”

“Why are you back early?” 

“The last two days got cancelled. There was an unsubstantiated terrorist threat. I offered to stay and help but the director and the local office said they had it covered. I think someone saw an opportunity with so many law enforcement officials all in one place.”

“Makes sense.” Spencer just shook his head and let out a short laugh. “What do we do now?”

“How about we just take it one step at a time.”

“Okay.” Spencer smiled and curled back into Aaron’s arms falling asleep content for the first time in a very long-time.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
 _November 2011_  
I sit here watching Spencer sleep and I am more content today than I have been in a very long time. Spencer has been good for me I just don’t know how good I have been for him. I know my secrets weighed heavy on our relationship till I could tell him the truth. He knew something was wrong and I wish to god I could take back those months of deception, State Department be god damned. I don’t know how he forgave me, but he did. I just hope in time he forgives JJ.  
Sitting here in our hotel room on an actual vacation I can’t help watching him sleep. I love him to distraction and even though it’s been a rocky year I know he loves me. After Haley…  
After Haley I never thought I’d be able to love, to take a chance again. I know that he’s it for me and I don’t want to think about the possibility of losing him, in any way. I know our jobs are dangerous and we have to be careful but it’s worth the risks. 

Aaron was going to write more but he felt arms come around him and lips caress the side of his neck.

“Come back to bed Aaron,” Spencer whispered in his ear. Aaron smiled as he turned and pulled Spencer into his lap.

“I love you Dr. Spencer Reid-Hotchner,” Aaron still had that smile that was only ever reserved for Spencer.

Spencer slid comfortably onto Aaron’s lap and kissed him. 

“I love you too Aaron Reid-Hotchner.” He fisted his hands in Aaron’s hair as he let out a happy contented sigh. “Do you think they’ll get mad they weren’t here?”

“I think they maybe a little miffed but I also think that they will understand. We’ll take everyone to dinner when we get back. You know Jack will be excited.” Aaron face softened as he thought about his son and how Jack and Spencer had taken so well to each other. Jack adored the genius and he found someone that could actually answer all his questions. Spencer was a wonder with the boy considering just a few short years earlier the team teased his husband about The Reid Effect. Dogs and children used to respond badly to Spencer, but he eventually he grew out of that and Spencer is now the go to person for traumatized children in the field if JJ or Aaron weren’t available.

“Yeah,” Spencer’s expression turned a little dreamy as he thought about the boy he had come to love very much. 

“You’ll always have us Spencer.” Spencer blushed as he buried his head in Aaron’s neck. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he felt. He had found the family that he always had wished for and he was going to hold onto it, no matter what it took.

“I know and you’ll always have me.” Aaron kissed the top of his head then prodded his new husband off his lap. They made their way back to the bed where Aaron made love to him till they were both shaking with need. And when they both crested and their pleasure broke over them Aaron collapsed next to Spencer and pulled him in close. Whispered words of love and forever on their lips as they gave into sleep.

When they got back from their vacation several days later they didn’t announce their news to the team right away. They had a few back to back cases and it was never really a convenient time. In fact it was almost two months before they were able to get the team together outside of the office.

Aaron tapped his glass to get everyone’s attention.

“I have something to tell you guys and it wasn’t my intention to keep it secret. Just cases got in the way and we didn’t want to tell you this out on a case.” Aaron smiled as he looked over at Spencer, “Spencer and I got married two months ago.”

The team sat there shocked. No one but Rossi had even an inkling that the two men were dating. Spencer almost laughed at the comical looks on their faces.

“What?” Was all Morgan could ask as he sat there dumb-struck.

“We got married.” Aaron lifted Spencer’s hand and kissed the back of it and it seemed to break the spell. Garcia jumped out of her seat and squealed and she ran around the table and took Spencer in a bone-crushing hug.

“When were you guys even dating?” JJ had quirked up a brow as she looked between the two men still in shock over their news.

“It was just after Spencer looked after my apartment last year.” Aaron tried to school his expression as the team was trying to process.

“How did you know he had feelings for you pretty boy?” Morgan frowned as so many things from the previous year came together for him. Spencer kept saying that he was seeing someone but Morgan didn’t believe him.

Spencer slowly smiled as he looked over at Aaron, “I read his journal.”


End file.
